The 2010 Guide For Newbies

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Welcome to Nanie's "Oh shit, I'm new" guide!

This guide will cover a few worst case scenarios. Feel free to contribute and/or give me hell for it ingame.

1) Sweet action, I just made my character and... I'm lost?

Alright, you just made your character. Now, you'll notice that there happens to be a flyer in your inventory and some manner of toybox behind you. Open the toybox and start ripping open animals for cheap random junk if you'd like, but, before you do much here's a pretty decent warning list. Yes, list.

1 - Your character isn't as created yet as you'd think! Your stats really aren't defined yet. You can't use many objects, such as a Suicide Belt. Really, you're just some ten year old schmoo trying to get by, apparently being birthed from a likely lice ridden blanket in the dirt hole below the orphanage. You have no real stats or anything, and anything you do gain will just reset when you do finish your character creation. So for fuck's sake, 'DO NOT GRIND YET.'

2 - Your harvested shit won't live past growing up in the orphanage! So all theses rocks of crank, forks, and plush tentacle monsters you are harvesting from this toybox, as well as anything else you may find to bash people with, will promptly vanish into the aether upon completion of your character in the museum. To avoid this, you should 'find a stashing place and throw all your shit you want to keep in it, grow up, and hope it remains there.' Also, this means 'hold off on buying shit.'

3 - FIRE HOT. Just outside the hole you start in, north twice you can see a furnace one space up. If you are mindlessly wandering, you'll likely find the furnace by running inside of it blissfully ignorant. CHIYONOTE: Walk into it. You'll be fulfilling an important HellMOO tradition.

4 - I'm being Griefed! Ah god, I'm so pissed! My first time I joined HellMOO, I was violently shot down like five times coming out of where I woke up, and cast into the furnace before I knew what the hell was going on. There are people who will take things wrongly, but more importantly, there are douchebags who will kill you time and time again. The thing is, some of these people are actually fairly kick ass. If it seems personal, try to ask what's up. If it seems random, don't take it too hard. You will die, a lot, over and over during your escapade in HellMOO. People will disagree with you, rape you, and try to fuck you up. They will break into your shit, and shit on your afk body. This isn't exactly HeavenMOO. But. Don't rage about it. If someone fucked you up, you CAN come up with ways to make it so they can't anymore. Even better, make them stop it by strange tactics or something cool you whip up. Ever get jumped by like four people then detonate yourself killing them? Funny shit. Anyway, the thing is you have to realize that no matter if you are a dillhole or epic shit, you will be on the rough end of some ravenous griefing. Make friends during your adventure and be cool. If you are awesome, you'll be surprised how less you are victim of these things. Getting pissed, and raging about it, really will just attract MORE people to kill you after a violent boot from chatnet. So, 'don't take things personally.' This shit happens to everyone.

5 - I'm lost! I don't know a command! Ah god, I'm alone!!! Alright, now feel free to ask for help on chatnet. If that doesn't help you too much, when you join ENEMA (right after the museum) ask in corp chat. 'chat <text>' is for Chatnet, 'c <text>' is for corp chat. You can also ask a few specific things of the automated (sometimes) MServo. 'c MServo, where is the Crack Mansion?' 'c MServo, where is Nanie?' experiment a bit. 'MServo, I am bored. What should I do?' You'll be surprised what responses you'll get. Especially if MServo is being controlled. Don't forget to 'ask for help.'

6 - This Ernest guy wants me to do what? 'Stab the fucker dead.'

Though inversely, there are a few cool things to note. 1) If someone's trying to kill you and you are near the furnace, 'grab <target>' and on success, 'push <target> to <direction>'. So, this direction would be North. If the flames or on, they will do your dirty work for you. Roasty toasty on a magic barbeque. 2) You have nothing to lose, so you can fuck around as much as you'd like. (Though, stupid shit will make players remember your name. So this is a good time to experiment with controls and get used to HellMOO) 3) You have a Newbie tag! Use 'tac' to see some random information about people in the room, including yourself to see their status. Slaying people with Newbie tags is frowned on. But if you start shit, ah, you deserve it. 4) There are people who directly intend to help newbies adjust to the game. Careful, because the inverse is completely true as well.

SUMMARY: Don't grind yet, stash shit you want to keep before you grow up, hold off on buying shit, don't run inside the furnace while its ready to roast, don't take things personally, ask for help, stab the fucker dead, and GROW UP FIRST THING YOU DO (unless you have plans with your orphan). If you are lazy, use 'follow flyer' to walk directly to the Museum. The museum is marked with [Mu] on the map, north west of your orphanage.

2) YEA, five hundred bucks and... Holy shit that soda costs 120 bucks!

As you play, you'll come to realize you start getting hungry and thirsty. Seriously, I went to buy a soda and it popped up as a 120 dollar beverage. Thinking to myself, 'oh hey, I'm new so I don't know the economy scale yet. Let's buy it anyway,' is likely pretty common. You know that kitchen in the orphanage? First room as you walk up the stairs after coming from your hole? That's the kitchen. 'Drink from sink' is your friend. Also, go south east to EO and buy a canteen. 'fill canteen from sink' is also your friend. As for food, well, you can find cheap food. Like Wang's (north east) sells seven dollar bowls of rice. In HellMOO standards, that's pretty damn cheap. Also if you feel like you can stomach it, grind corpses into Soylent Red bars if you are desperate. They're harmless to my knowledge, but hey, any port in a storm. You can drag corpses 'drag <corpse> to <direction>' to take them to the recycling plant just across the way from the orphanage. Use 'process <corpse> with RDCD' to turn it into nommable future food. You after all, have evolved beyond normal hunger.

3) Okay, I am broke as hell. Nanie's money scavenging guide time!

Alright, so, I myself am pretty new. There ARE better ways of EVERYTHING in HellMOO. So there are better ways of getting money. Add to the article or don't whine though, because here are a few tips!

1) You can sell random junk to the salvage shop just below the orphanage. Remember, 'lmap' is your friend. You'd be surprised how much that 12, 7, 12, 34, 20, 24, and 16 bucks stack up in succession with how light these things are. 2) Raid the Donation Bin. The clothes inside of it (aside from t-shirts, short pants, and diapers) sell for 9 or 12 bucks at Threads for Less. That shop by the way is just north of EO a bit, south east of the orphanage. Sell cotton boxers to the chick downstairs for like 32 bucks each, leopard print briefs to her for like 59 bucks each, and to the guy upstairs sell all stained toilet seats. Ha! I bet you thought they were worthless! However, what you don't know is these stained toilet seats are stained with priceless harvestable rust apparently, because this guy buys them for $120 a pop! Sometimes like three will spawn in that donation bin. I don't mind a quick 360 bucks. 3) Satisfy the NPCs. Ask npcs '-<name> Needs' and they will tell you what they need. Some NPCs pay less due to their brokeness, and pay more due to how well you satisfy their need. If you are getting ready to whore out though (there's decent bucks in it depending) remember that STDs and Pregnancy are in the game. So, buckle up before driving, or something like that. Never learned it myself really. 4) Slay the Orphans! ... Well, the rabid ones anyway. Not that you couldn't just use 'hunt orphan' to auto kill them as they enter the space and as you walk to their space. But I digress, if you go upstairs and talk to Agnes she will be helpful. Use '-agnes heal' for mending those boo boos (from a thorn in your finger, to a split sternum, to Thriller and even AIDs) so she can use Jesus to heal you. '-agnes pay' will have her offer the job, though you can kill before it and still get pay. You get 50 bucks a pop per rabid orphan. This only lasts until you hit 5K experience, in which case, Jesus now doesn't feel like healing you, and she is tired of you sucking on her financial tits.

I personally, go to the bin downstairs, raid that, raid random stuff in the orphanage, on my way out drag dead bodies to grind to soylent bars, on my w?ay to sell scrap and clothes give the soylent red bars to starving NPCs for 60 bucks each, and repeat. It adds up fast, I got like two thousand pretty fast off of it. Try it yourself if you'd like.

WORTHLESS: Dukes of Hazzard ashtrays, diapers, and I think Syringes (Edit: Syringes now sell for $3 each at the Salvage shop. Not much, but definitely not nothing). Don't even bother with those as far as selling. Oh, and Short Pants along with standard t-shirts sell for like $0-$1, so you really are wasting your time if you snag those (However, if you are wanting to level Craft, you may use the command "improvise bandage with x" (x being a diaper, t-shirt or pair of pants) and create makeshift bandages. You can then use those bandages to level Medic!).

4) Shop Smart, Shop EO.

Alright, first thing is first. A few things you should snag right away after your creation. 1) Two White Cocoon Capsules - Have one on you and throw the spare in your satchel. That way, you can snag it real fast if you realize you forgot to buy one earlier.

2) Canteen - You really don't need to think about how an infinite supply of thirst quenching water from the orphanage's kitchen can save your hide in your travels.

3) Gas Mask - The orphanage is rampant with Black Lung, which you don't exactly want. You CAN get healed for free by Agnes who will cure Black Lung, but it is nice to not have to worry about it really.

4) A duffle bag (or baglike other bag) - Perhaps it is just me, but I like being able to throw my stuff into a nice organized portable container. Especially for stashing stuff you don't want to look at a lot. Like bottles of pills, or hangers, or your spare white cocoon capsule you should likely tote around proudly.


So, you wanna close HellMOO out and return to your daily life. Sweet. But, if you just close out the window, your character will fall into a fairly vulnerable state of narcaleptic fail. You will be standing there. Able to have whatever done to you.

Just above the orphanage there is the Crash Landing Cube Hotel [CL]. Go there, use @sethome just in case your friends can send you home, and log off there with @quit. You'll be safe then. Seriously, if Wesker hadn't told me the stuff he found in my bag when I died I would have never gotten it back. Yes, I am crediting you Wesker publicly for your cool bro backhaving actions.

Some Vital Links

| Oh shit, I'm in Prison! - If you should ever get your ass thrown in prison, check this out. It could very well save your ass (literally) as well as make you learn not just how to survive, but thrive. Also, why Panopticon Prison is fucking awesome to train in.

UPDATE: A new update has rendered Panopticon Prison now a bit of a bitch to train crafting in. Which also kinda makes the EXP whoring methods there vanish. But I guess it does balance things out. So in other words, it is no longer quite as craft friendly since now you must harvest ore, convert one ore to three sheets of metal, convert each metal to a plate, then load the press with said plates to continue the process. It's a bit of a bitch really.