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The Scoreboard

You're sitting around Any Port, thumping the jukebox, listening to Care Dog's jokes, killing Veronica Moser, etc. But the common AP antics is not what we're focusing on here. We're focusing on what's in AP's northern room. That little room that's barely inhabited, with various knick-knacks like the slots and fortune telling machine. But the most unique of those items is the scoreboard.

So what the hell is the scoreboard and why should I care? Because it contains various rankings of HellMOO in different miscellaneous categories. These rankings are not related to stats or skills, but simply the other things worth bragging about. And speaking of bragging, if you make it onto the scoreboard, you'll be more than just some dude/chick the next time you type out that brag.

Now, enough with my stupid introduction. Let's move on to what this scoreboard actually DOES. By throwing down an "exam" at the scoreboard, you'll be presented with:

 Obvious commands:
   press/set/push/click/touch <something> on electronic scoreboard
     Change the information currently being displayed.
   read/view electronic scoreboard
     Check out what is on the display.

Reading the scoreboard is exactly what it is. You read it, you see the ranking it's displaying. However, there are many rankings to gaze at and simply wish you could be a part of. And now onto the rankings. If you get a fun little idea and press "ass" on score, well, that's why you're here. There is no "ass" ranking. There ARE, however, these:

 The following buttons are available: age, asshole, breed, cash, contributor, crib, dick, discovery, fatality, fetish, fish, gay, hardcore, head, headxp, job, journal, kills, lawyer, pervert, pog, random, saint, scam, skill, stat, threat, tits, travel, trophy, and xp.

Now as you go to busy yourself watching the colors float by lazily forming words, you'll probably wonder what a few of those words mean. Well, you're in luck, friend, because here's what you need to know about each of those rankings, almost.

Ranking Description
Age The oldest people in HellMOO. Age increases the more you die, so if you wish to see your name here, suicide one too many times.
Asshole Is calculated off your karma. See help karma.
Breed Depends on how many healthy babies you plop out. Babymaking itself is a complicated affair, get to fucking.
Cash The richest people in HellMOO. Save up. A LOT. And you might find your name up here on this list.
Card Show's those who have the largest and most expensive card collection. Shows all manner of cards you have, amount, condition, signed and so forth.
Contributor This is more like a list rather than a ranking. This particular button lists all of HellMOO's donators and how much they donated to keep the game up. If you want to add your name to this wall, open up your PayPal and send away.
Crib This is the list of people who have the chillest cribs. Or, in more literal terms, the people with the coolest looking apartments. Using app here in a room will give you its chill based on the items inside. A room with a lazer light show will definately beat the shit-filled streets of Freedom City.
Dick Biggest dick! Doesn't help to have a warthog bike or a flashy ship for this one. Just high age, fuck-skill and pervert IP seems to influence size (and Fuck Machine).
Discovery Unique recipes discovered while using a simulator.
Fatality This is the ranking of the people who've done the most flashy kills. Read more on Fighting Styles about how to do fatalities.
Fetish This actually isn't a player ranking. It's a list of the game's most popular fetishes based on the total IP shared by every player in HellMOO.
Fish This is a ranking based on the player with the widest variety of caught fish. Want in? Buy a fishing rod, bait it with whatever, drop it in some water, and hook some fish.
Gay Those who never fuck another gender other than their own retain 100% gay-ness, if you deviate that number goes down.
Hardcore Those that have done the best while playing as an outlaw or rather in hardcore mode. Based of your total exp gained.
Head This ranking is based on who has the best collection of heads. Want to start your own? First ask around for a lovely noggin rack. Then take the hideously empty thing, stick it in a safe place, and ravage the streets for corpses. When you find one, whack the head off, preserve it (again, ask around for help), and stick it on the rack.
Headexp "TOP TEN HEADHUNTERS BY XP VALUE OF HEAD" is what the scoreboard says.
Job Completed the most jobs, clearly.
Journal This ranking is based off of the players who have completed the most journals. Journals are the quests of HellMOO. Going into specific detail about them is strictly forbidden, but if you wish to see your standing on journals, then type journals.
Kills Instead of journals, type kills. Enough said.
Lawyer Go and plead the case of other criminals by doing the Shyster Job.
Pervert This one is caused by doing things that raise fetish points. Your total of all your fetish points equals your perverted IP, and that's what counts in this ranking. Check your fetish list (sx) to see where your IP total is.
Pog Remember pogs? Those little cardboard circles with pictures of Batman on them that you collected as a kid? So do I. And those little bastards are back. This ranking is for the players who own pog stacks that happen to be a number of pogs high. How to get pogs? The pogs must be stacked at your home to be counted for this.
Random This isn't a ranking, it just selects one for you and puts it on the screen. It's worth trying out if you're bored and have nothing else better to do. You go ahead and do that, kiddo.
Saint Based of your karma. See help karma.
Skill I have no idea how this is calculated, but it is influenced by your skills.
Stat I have no idea how this is calculated, but it is influenced by your stats.
Threat This is the ranking of the strongest players. Depending on the armor you wear, the weapon you wield, and the skill in that weapon, you gain threatstones. This is the ranking of that total number. When using the brag command it gives you a number followed by "bad ass" as title for this brag.
Tits This works the same as the dick size except it is for tits, also giving birth gives you a chance of permanently enlarging your tits.
Travel Gone to the most unique locations, similar to a kill journal. See travel.
Trophy Get a rack and start collecting unique drops from certain boss mobs and place it all in your home.
XP This is the ranking of the people with the highest total in XP. Want in? Grind more.