Represented by AP on the map, Any Port In A Storm (more commonly referred to as Any Port) is the most popular bar in HellMOO, located in Freedom City. It's owned and operated by Care Dog. He has many beverages on tap, but he will only sell milk to minors. The bar's hours are 08:00 AM to 03:00 AM. If you try to stay in after hours, you'll be harmlessly kicked out to the tile east of the bar.
- Care Dog himself controls much of the bar. You can freaks that enter the tile, throw back anything that's thrown in from an adjacent tile (for lethal damage), throw out anyone who tries to pee on his bar, put a stop to any focus mutation use, and clamp down on anyone initiating combat on his tile. He will not, however, interrupt Tyrone Belmont if he is hunting a vampire on his tile, and nor will he intervene if Veronica Moser is attacked. He's also an extremely tough fight on his own. On top of all that, he teaches Fists to 4. to order milk, for instance, or to buy a milk carton for everyone in the bar, you charmer you! Care Dog will also auto-cancel any sex actions in the bar such as , auto-kill any
- Veronica Moser is here. She teaches Fuck to 6 and has some dialog.
- Any Port's front room features a sofa with an excellent stress removal rate, a scoreboard, a hookah for smoking with some buddies, and an automat that sells tobacco and lighters.
- Downstairs are the toilets where one can engage in mostly anonymous fellatio. The water down here is poisonous, don't drink it.
- Upstairs is Fat Ratzo's lounge. Here, you can ask Ratzo about various jobs you can do for him.
- On the roof of the Any Port is a helipad, complete with a taxi beacon that allows you to fly to various places for a fee. to call a cab.
- There is a holocam on Care Dog's tile which broadcasts everything that happens on that tile to the ANYPORT channel on TV. Conversations here are not private, and nor is the fact that you just maxed out your fuck skill to 6 raw before you even lost your N-tag!